*#%_@#(*&)@!

Despite the fact that it's a shitty paper filled with veritable brain vomit, I think writing for the Daily Trojan has been has become somewhat therapeutic for me.

I think I get a thrill out of the fact that there are a ton of other students actually reading my happily antagonistic articles, even if they have been vehemently raped by the DT editing staff.

Perhaps even more thrilling is when I get an incredibly stupid and inane response back. I think I am going to be posting there here under the title the "Wall of shame", unless someone has any more inventive or creative names for it.

The first entry onto the wall will be the response to my article published on Tuesday titled, "Islamists' reaction to cartoons risks Western allies" (keep in mind that the editing staff titles the articles). In it, I basically discuss the fact that no excuse of religious offense will ever justify the violence occurring in the middle east as a response to the Danish cartoon, especially since hypocrisy and extremism were the real motivators behind it.

Here's a link to the article

The whole time I was writing it, all I kept thinking about was how many angry Muslims are going to respond, saying that I lack any empathy for, or understanding of, Muslim culture. But instead, I got the exact opposite, in response to my introduction in which I try to establish some basis with Muslim culture:

Hey matt my name is [cunt], I read you article in the DT and I was wondering if you could answer a quick question for me. What did Israel bashing introduction have to do with the rest of the article. First of all from your article is doesnt seem like you know enough about the region to make such statements, and secondly if you were going to mention Israel in any way in your article it should have been to address how ridiculous it is that people in Iran are involving Jews and Israel in this when they had nothing to do with it. I was going to write a letter back on the DT but I figure that is pointless I rather talk to you in person to see where your anti-israel feeling come from.

Signed,
[Loser who can't manage to think for himself]
Junior Majoring in International Relations and Economics

So, knowing that I couldn't let my ego take such an unwarranted blow, I decided to respond with:

[Douchy McDouche],

Let me first of all say that that it was a good conversation starter on your part to call me ill-informed about the region. Congrats on an incredibly tactful move.

However, I am having a hard time qualifying the provincial "Israel bashing" statement that apparently I am guilty of. I brushed over that intro numerous times, and from someone like myself, who has neither a Muslim nor Jewish bias, it just doesn't make sense.

It obviously can't be my statement about Muslims after 9/11, because your head would have had to have been in a hole for the past 5 years to not recognize that Muslims have been perceived much differently after the whole culture was wrongly associated with terrorism.

Similarly, it can't be my comment about the news having a pro-Israel stance, because that is fairly obvious as well. Although the media has been getting slightly less biased recently, it is pretty plain to see that every attack by the Israeli military is characterized as a "response" to Palestinian aggression, which sadly, is not the case half of the time. It is pretty well known that the larger Jewish community in the US has a lot more power and influence over politics and the media than the small Muslim community does, which is why a pro-Israel bias is an all-too-common criticism of the media.

But then that leads me to believe that my statement about how the US whines about conflict in the middle east regarding a two-state solution when they fund the Israeli military is the reason why I am accused of Israel bashing, but that just doesn't make sense either.

I mean, is it not true that the US funds the Israeli military? Because last time I checked, it was to the tune of about $3 billion a year for a number of years now, making Israel the largest recipient if US foreign aid. Not a single African nation receives that much funding, although they have to fight massive poverty, severe underdevelopment, the vicious spread of AIDS, malaria, and other problems that Israel has been able to avoid. Since 1973, funding for Israel has amounted to $240 billion, and of that massive amount, the vast majority has gone to military assistance; for instance, in fiscal year 2003, $2.04 billion was earmarked for military assistance, while only $720 million was for economic aid.

Obviously that's not going to aid peace in the middle east. Although I am in no way, condoning the suicide bombings and other guerrilla methods used by some Palestinians, how are they supposed to respond to such a well-equipped and well-funded military, especially when it is just as fervent to maintain the whole territory as Israel as Palestinians are to establish a separate state from it? And if you are somehow trying to make the claim that the Palestinians are the only aggressors, than you are sorely mistaken. Here is but a small sampling of what the Israeli military is responsible for:

-the murder of Rachel Corrie, who was crushed to death last month beneath an Israel armoured bulldozer as she tried to prevent it demolishing a Palestinian house.
-the Israeli Defense Forces shot two International Solidarity Movement activists in the town of Jenin on the West Bank: Brian Avery, a 24-year-old from Albuquerque, New Mexico, was shot in the face and taken to hospital with serious wounds. Lassel Smith from Denmark was shot in the leg. Both had gone to the West Bank to act as human shields by making peaceful protests.
-In the week of December 8-14, 2005 alone, 10 Palestinians were killed by the Israeli Occupation Forces (IOF) of which 7 of victims were extra-judicially executed by the IOF in the Gaza Strip; 34 Palestinian civilians, including 17 children were wounded by the IOF; the IOF attacked civilian targets in the Gaza Strip; the IOF continued a total siege on the Occupied Palestinian Territory (OPT) and imposed severe restrictions on the movement of Palestinian civilians in the West Bank; and the IOF confiscated land from several Palestinian villages, near Bethlehem, Hebron and Jerusalem evicting 30 Palestinian families

Sadly, as can be clearly seen, the conflict in the middle east is something that BOTH sides are responsible for.

Which is why it is obviously hypocritical for the US to whine about peace in the middle east. The US, just as the most of the world, supports a two-state solution (as I do), but that can't happen if it's going to fund a military that doesn't hold the same belief. Plain logic will tell you that.

Additionally, you question why I didn't include that "people in Iran are involving Jews and Israel in this when they had nothing to do with it", but I clearly stated in the article that the Muslim response was characterized by completely misplaced anger. That means not only towards the countries of Denmark, France, etc, but also towards Christians, Jews, and others.

The most ironic part is of this all is that if anything, I was expecting angry letters from Muslim people saying that I wasn't being culturally sensitive enough. That's why I included that whole introduction to begin with - to show Muslims that although I may not agree with the response to the cartoons, I am still emphatic towards them. And I can't see why you were puzzled that I included this, as I clearly stated in the very first sentence of my article why I was doing so.

It is so entirely narrow-minded when people are declared anti-Semitic just because they criticize America's policies toward Israel, or considered "Israel bashing" just because they support a bi-state solution. The greatest minds in foreign policy agree that a bi-state solution is the ONLY way to peace.

I have to say that I would have expected more from an IR major. Perhaps you should try opening up one of your books again (or perhaps for the first time), or even trying wikipedia for that matter.

-Matt

Oh, I love fighting. More to come soon.

I hate boys.

That goes for all of you, no exceptions.

Fuck.

If good for nothing else, LA has at least helped me build a thick skin.

Whether that's good or bad, well...I have yet to find out.

I made it. The question is, did I even really want to?

Perhaps God, if such an abstract concept actually exists, was trying to do me a favor by throwing every possible obstacle in my way while I desperately tried to make it to Los Angeles.

The first, and might I say, quite blaring omen, should have been my dramatic departure from London. After having left my ATM card at the local grocery store the night before I left, I put my credit card in an ATM machine for a cash advance, where soon thereafter it was quickly eaten up - leaving me with no way to access money or pay for anything the night before I needed it most. Confident that my luck would turn around, I stayed up the night neatly (over)packing my luggage, despite the fact that I had already sent friends home with a lot of my stuff. The next morning a friend called the grocery store, which sounded more than happy to tell me that my card was, in fact, in their store. So, on schedule but not for long, the next morning I quickly ran over to the grocery store, where it took them 30+ minutes to tell me that they couldn't find my card, despite the fact that they told me they had found it a few hours prior, as well as show me every other card left there since 1982 - except for mine, of course. That compounded with the fact that my 4 carryons (2 of which had laptops in them) and two suitcases (weighing 90 lbs and 85 lbs, respectively) were way to heavy to even get down the street, put me in quite a precarious time situation. Confident that the excellent American Airlines customer service would be able to help, I spent another half hour going back to plug in my computer so I could call them to see about rescheduling my flight, where I soon found out that if I wanted to get home anytime before January 11th (such as for Christmas), it would cost me a $1000 to reschedule my flight. Quickly ruling that out as an option, I once again tried to make it down the street with my luggage, and once again collapsed on the street as I couldn't even get it to the tube station, much less the train station where I would catch the train to the airport. Now, with only an hour and a half to spare, I hailed taxi, which told me that a cab ride to Gatwick airport would be a mere 80 pounds ($150) - not chump change, but doable. However, I only had foreign currency with me, so the driver told me that we would have to stop in Covent Garden to exchange the money. Knowing that there would be no way I would make my flight if we drove into central London before we went to the airport, I told him that I would give him all 11,000 of my Francs (about 110 pounds or $200 USD) if he just exchanged it later. He of course happily agreed, and we literally flew to the airport. However, upon arriving there, I was more than delighted to find out that it turned out to be about 130 pounds (about $250 USD for a CAB RIDE), so I gave him all of my Hungarian hufs as well (about 20 pounds worth), and made my way into the airport, with only 25 minutes to spare before my international flight took off. The ticketing counter was quite accommodating despite my extremely tardy arrival, but informed me that because my luggage was so fabulously overweight (only 70 lbs are allowed per bag), I would have to buy an extra piece of luggage, and then they would have to charge me for having extra luggage. However, I of course, had no way to pay for it, so fast forward 5 minutes, and you see me furiously ripping stuff out of my luggage while looking at its weight on the scales, while four ticketing window women were quickly putting that stuff in boxes they had conjured up somewhere in the bowels of the airport and wrapping them with tape. I then left them to finish the job, while I cut through the huge security line with my four carryons, and then ran through the airport, making my flight with about 2-3 minutes to spare. 18 hours later, when finally arrive in San Francisco, after abhorrent delays in the shithole known as the Dallas-Ft. Worth airport, I still was confused as to how, exactly, I made it back.

But convinced that his powers over nature were not fully utilized, god managed to make my trip back from Reno as miserable as possible as well. Huntley had flown to Reno, where my dad had just recently moved, to meet me, with the intention of us driving back to SF for new years together, and then eventually to LA. After having maxed out every possible form of mediocre entertainment that Reno could possibly throw our way, we came home from a bar at 2:30 am the night before our scheduled departure, where we found that the torrential rains that day and night had turned a nearby creek/storm flow drain into a massive fast-moving river, which had jumped the road and was flowing directly into my dad's garage. Knowing that the garage was surely flooded - which was especially horrible considering the fact that because my dad and family had just moved into the house, and thus most of their stuff was still in boxes in the garage - Huntley and I trudged through the foot of water blocking the entrance to the house to wake up my parents to inform them of the recent natural phenomenon. We then stayed up until the wee hours of the morning (Huntley 5 am and me 7 am) helping my dad and step mom remove the destroyed wedding albums, almost every book we owned, school photos, boy scout memorabilia, and schoolmade crafts from the boxes sitting in 6 inches of water above a thick layer of mud. But confident that we were going to leave on time the next day in order to get to San Francisco, we got a mere 2 hours of sleep and we woke up, got ready, and then turned on the news, which lead to the discovery that the torrential rains had not just flooded my dads house, but all of Reno. Much of downtown was flooded and roads were blocked off, including the only one going from my dad's house to Reno. However, that did not make much of a difference, considering that even if we had made it to Reno, it would have been pointless, considering that the main (and usually only) way out of there was interstate 80, which was just closed for the next few days because of massive mudslides. In fact, the only way out of god-forsaken Nevada was the 2 lane 50 highway, which wound through the Sierra Nevadas from Carson City. However, that seemed almost equally as implausible, considering that 395 (the way to Carson City from Reno) was flooded, and Carson City itself was under so much water that it was declared in a state of Emergency. But determined to get ourselves out of the city that god forgot, we left around 12 to catch the weather at the best time and headed for Carson City. After floating down the highway at certain points and winding our way through Carson City, we then headed through the mountains, where at two separate times at two different summits we had to get out in the freezing cold to put chains on my tires - chains which are nearly impossible to get on by simple human means. Traffic then worked sublimely to our favor, as we sat at a dead stop at Lake Tahoe for 3 hours waiting for a fallen power line to be cleared off the road. But the traffic fun did not stop there, as we again encountered a closed freeway and ended up driving through "Historic Fairfield" with side roads to escape the dead stopped traffic we had been sitting in. All of this meaning, of course, that our normally 4 hour trip from Reno to San Francisco instead took 10 hours. We got into Dublin around 10, changed in a few minutes, and doublebacked to the Bart Station, where we took the train into SF so that we barely made it to the embarcadero by 11:50, albeit the fact that the rest of the night showed us we were too tired to actually celebrate New Years anyway.

But, oh, the fun did not stop there. Convinced that there was no possible way anything else could possibly go wrong, Huntley and I left around 2 for LA. The 5 freeway - which I have never seen move below 60 mph and where 70 mph is considered traffic - fell to a dead stop and then slow moving traffic not once, not twice, but three times on our way down, all the result of accidents. The 4th time we found ourselves at a dead stop, it was because of, again, a fallen power line that was blocking the freeway. Consequently, we were then diverted onto a random country road, where we drove down this barely 2-lane road in the pitch black for miles, often swerving to avoid the overgrowth and flooding blocking the poorly-tended road. We then finally navigated our way back to the 5, way south of where we were originally diverted off, only to find out that the freeway was STILL closed. We then had to drive to Bakersfield and navigate our way to LA from there. We ended up getting into LA at about 10:30, making the trip 8.5 hours, even though I can usually make it in 5. But, considering my previous luck, this seemed to almost not even phase me.

However, the ironic part is that I really can't find a reason why I made this tumultous journey. I mean, I know I go to school here, but ever since I left, I had been dreading coming back. I must have subconsciously convinced myself that the city was something else, but once I descended of the moutians in Castiac, I knew LA with still be LA - the miserable, dirty, polluted, narcissistic, socially stratified battlefield whose entire existence can only be explained by chance and a miserable lack of foresight.

All of this is making me think that god wasn't doing me a favor by trying to keep me from LA, but rather, in actuality, is quite a vengeful being - which would certainly explain a lot if that was the case - who is doing all of this so he can laugh in my face, probably as a result of my steadfast denial in his existence. The reason I say this is that such a journey would have made the arrival in LA that much sweeter, if I had wanted to be here from the beginning. But, coming from London and knowing that I have to be here, against my will, is just making it that much worse. I used to think that Larkin was a little overdramatic when it came to dscribing her intense hatred of this city, but I think I finally understand. Happy fucking miserable 2006.

I just hope I can survive this last year.

Leaving might be the hardest thing I've ever had to do

I'll admit, I can take a lot, but I am still fucking human.

You know how many people were supposed to go out with me tonight...4. That's right, four people.

You know how many actually went out with me tonight...-1. How only did they all fucking ditch me, but hey did so so late that even I couldn't enjoy the evening by myself. Ethan dropped off of the face of this earth, Erika suddenly became too tired, and Jim...well he got high instead. So now, here I am, writing into some wretched piece of equipment who could care less about how I feel.

I know that in some freudian sense, everyone is out to only help themselves, but this is getting ridiculous. Can't anyone at least pretend they care?

I must be confused. I work into my head that people are at least semi-concerned with showing some sort of compassion, but that's really not true. Instead, I just get drunk and shafted, and that's never a good combination.

Well, to all of my friends, I hate you. I am not going to even try to distinguish between who is good and bad, because, truth be told, no matter if you are on one side of the globe or another, you only have, and will only ever, care about yourself. Apparently, it's more human than I thought. That's right, relish in your self-centeredness. You fucking piece of shit.

I hate every single one of you.

I NEED a creative outlet. Any suggestions?

"As I walked along
The supposed golden path,
I was confronted
By a mysterious specter.
He pointed to the graveyard
over on yonder hill.
I paused in cosmic reflection
confused and wondering
Of how I came to die to die...
Hmmm I was confused,
for if I was dead,
how and why did I die?
But I composed myself
and decided I should face him.
But I stood paralyzed
on the supposed golden path,
and I was confronted
by a powerful demon force.
And they said it was the devil
and when he spoke his words flowed like glowing lava
from the mouth of a volcano.
And I said help me lord
I found myself in some kind of hell.
But I did not believe in a
Heaven and hell world of opposite’s kind of reality.
And I gained control of myself
and I decided to press on
and as I walked along the supposed golden path
I was trembling with fear all the lions and wizards yet to come.
I seen in the distance silver mountains rising high and the clouds
and voice from above did whisper some shining answer from the womb.
Please forgive me I never meant to hurt you
Please forgive me I never meant to hurt you"

In trying to defend his position that the people of New Orleans are undeserving of aid, GOP senator Larry Craig said this:

"Louisiana and New Orleans are the most corrupt governments in our country, and they have always been," Craig told a newspaper in his home state. "Fraud is in the culture of Iraqis. I believe that is true in Louisiana as well."

Holy shit, right? How someone can think that they can get away with saying something like that is beyond me. Here's my reply:

Senator Larry Craig,

You are a sick person.

For you to have such contempt of Louisiana - at a time when their economy has been completely DEVASTATED, in every sense of the word, and the death toll has reached proportions similar to that of the Iraq war - as to call the state corrupt, and then accuse it of having a fraudulent culture similar to that that of Iraq, is completely out of line.

Who do you think you are? I needn't remind you that people are still dying of neglect in New Orleans. People are still living in hotel rooms. The death toll has reached thousands. Louisiana has lost 40% of its businesses, and New Orleans, a huge center in the south for trade and industry, has been completely ravaged. And the whole time that this occurred, people were treated like third world refugees, with a government response that most African Nations would be ashamed of. People's entire careers, entire families, and even their entire livelihoods have been completely decimated by Katrina, and yet, you won't even throw a dollar their way, instead insisting on calling them names and comparing them to corrupt people and governments.

Sure, a $250 billion reconstruction plan seems like a lot to ask for, and i'm not advocating for that kind of relief response. But you can't tell me that it hasn't become a fundamental part of the political game to ask for more than what you want, in hopes of getting something close to what you need. Not to mention the fact that, considering the scope of the damage that one of the worst natural disasters in US history has wreaked, in terms of lives lost and economic consequences, that the state isn't deserving of AT LEAST that much. Even Trent Lott, who I have very little respect for, said something worth listening to, "Be careful about just becoming a green-eyeshades accountant when people are suffering and may die because of neglect."

Oh I know. Is it because the people of New Orleans are black? Or is it because they're Democrats? Or it is both? Regardless, these people are VICTIMS, not enemies. This is NO TIME for you to play your racist, partisan games, and you should be ashamed of yourself. If this had happened to the citizens of Idaho, your response would be completely opposite. Not to mention the fact that i'm sure you wouldn't be calling them names. Have you no empathy whatsoever? I find it utterly sickening how people are so intent on finding our dividing differences that they refuse to acknowledge the fundamental humanness that links us all.

The only thing that gives me any sort of hope in this world is the thought that someday, somehow, you will get what is rightly coming to you. And when that day comes, don't expect help from anyone else, because it certainly won't be coming.

I'll certainly be waiting.

Sincerely,
M. Merrill

i'm not quite sure what i am looking for, and i'm not quite sure if i'll ever find it

i mean is this really it? is this really all the world has to offer? this can't possibly be as good as it gets. if so, i find the confines of reality to be extremely limiting, not to mention depressing.

no matter the change in scenery or attitude, the omnipresent ugliness of reality and the human condition will always rear its head. humans are primordially composed of a masochistic, sexually centered, and yet ironically self-preservationist ideal, where there is no such thing as 'passion' - the word being an antiquated expression for an abstract concept that never really existed. everything else that you think humans and the world may or may not consist of is a lie, fabricated by those who it benefits to propagate such ideas.

i long to go back to the time when innocence and ignorance kept me from figuring the world out. at least that way, i could evade the eventual disappointment, and to some degree despair, of knowing the truth.

it's like opening up that long awaited and anticipated christmas present to find out it was the complete opposite of what you wanted.

damn.